peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
