Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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