There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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