you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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