And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Randomize
