just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
