I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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