You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
