Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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