I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
