She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
