I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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