i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize