Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
