well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize