I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
