I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize
