going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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