Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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