I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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