I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
