He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
