Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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