i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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