i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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