she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
