the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
