i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
My ATM looks so different sober.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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