shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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