barbara walters just said penis...
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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