Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
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