I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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