I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
