i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize