I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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