I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
