Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
North Korea, Best Korea!
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
