He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
