I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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