I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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