Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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