she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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