My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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