So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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