Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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