let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
