wakey wakey hands off snakey
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
