My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
