why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
