clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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