I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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