Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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