$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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