Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
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