Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
just tell him i said nine months
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
