$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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