He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
a search helicopter?!
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Terrible idea I love it
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
