i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
