Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
