I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm sobbing to NWA
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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