May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
