Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
