Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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