He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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