the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
