You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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