What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I just had sex on a roof
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
