if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
