i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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