i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
