i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
