Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize