So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
