Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
