I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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