Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
