You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
